Feedback in the workplace is like telling your partner they’ve loaded the dishwasher wrong—again. Delicate, necessary, and possibly a little risky. Whether you’re giving it or receiving it, feedback is a part of professional life, but mastering the art requires more than just blurting out what you think.
Over the course of my career, I have been on both ends of feedback many times and most of it has been helpful and meaningful. However, early on in my profession, I received some feedback from a senior leader about the intensity of my face when I was thinking and processing information. The truth is, I have suffered from RBF (if you know, you know) my entire life and that kind of feedback wasn’t super helpful. However, it taught me the lesson of sometimes feedback is actionable and sometimes the feedback says more about the person giving it.
Let’s break down how to give and receive feedback without ruining someone’s day—or your reputation.
Giving Feedback: The Sandwich (But Make It Gourmet)
If you’ve ever heard of the "feedback sandwich," you know it’s about cushioning the constructive stuff between two positives. But here’s the thing: no one wants a soggy sandwich. Make it gourmet with some strategy. Don't slap a compliment on top and a vague "Keep it up!" on the bottom like the crusty end of week-old bread.
- Start Strong, Finish Stronger
You want your feedback to feel like a TED Talk, not a funeral speech. Start with genuine praise—something specific, like “Your presentation nailed the client’s needs.” Then, smoothly transition to the more constructive part: “However, next time, consider reducing the slide text. We want the focus on you, not your PowerPoint.” End on a high note: “Overall, your understanding of the client’s goals is spot on.”
If this sounds polished, that’s because it is. No one enjoys vague feedback like, “You’re doing okay.” If it’s too vague, they’ll be left wondering if “okay” means “I’m about to be fired.” (Spoiler: That’s not the vibe we want.)
- Focus on the Behavior, Not the Person
Your colleague might be a terrible procrastinator, but saying, “You’re lazy” is more likely to start a workplace brawl than to improve productivity. Instead, focus on what they did: “I noticed the report came in a day late, which impacted our timeline.” Boom—issue addressed, no hurt feelings.
- Make It a Conversation, Not a Monologue
Feedback should never feel like a lecture. You’re not auditioning for a villain role in the next big superhero movie. Instead of dumping your thoughts and walking away, try saying, “What’s your take on how that project went?” Invite their perspective and make it a two-way street. This approach fosters collaboration and gives you insight into what they’re thinking (or overthinking).
Receiving Feedback: It’s Not a Personal Attack (Probably)
Receiving feedback can feel like someone just pointed out that your fly was down during an important meeting. Awkward. But the truth is, feedback helps us grow—if we don’t immediately retreat into our shell like a frightened turtle.
- Don’t Get Defensive (Easier Said Than Done)
The instinct to defend ourselves is strong—like trying to explain why you ate the last piece of cake. But when feedback comes your way, take a deep breath. The goal isn’t to prove you’re perfect, but to understand how you can improve. Your response should be, “Thanks for the input. I hadn’t seen it that way.” Of course, you can still scream into a pillow later. Just not during the meeting.
- Ask for Specifics
If the feedback you’re getting feels like a vague weather report—“Your work has been cloudy with a chance of underperformance”—it’s time to dig deeper. Ask for specifics: “Could you clarify what areas I should focus on improving?” This helps both parties leave the conversation with clear next steps, not confusion.
- Reflect Before Reacting
Before firing off a response (or an email you’ll regret), take time to process. Feedback might sting initially, but it’s kind of like a workout—you don’t see the benefits immediately, but eventually, it makes you stronger (and a little sore). Reflect on what was said, why it was said, and how you can act on it moving forward.
- Keep the Big Picture in Mind
One piece of negative feedback doesn’t mean you’re failing at life. It’s like being told you sing off-key in karaoke—it doesn’t mean you’re banned from singing forever, just that this time, you could improve. Focus on the bigger picture: growth, improvement, and the fact that nobody’s perfect. If you can receive feedback with grace, you’ll be better equipped to thrive in any environment.
Making Feedback a Habit (Not Just an Annual Event)
Finally, let’s talk frequency. If you only give or receive feedback during annual performance reviews, it’s like only flossing before a dentist appointment. It’s too little, too late, and it feels awkward. Make feedback a regular part of your work relationships—like a check-in rather than a pop quiz.
When feedback becomes part of the daily or weekly conversation, it loses the edge of awkwardness and becomes a valuable tool for continuous growth. And who knows? You might even start looking forward to it (okay, maybe that’s too much, but you get the idea).
Feedback—The Gift No One Asks For, But Everyone Needs
At the end of the day, feedback is like those ugly sweaters that one of your relatives gives you — you might not like receiving it, but if you wear it well, it’ll grow on you. Giving and receiving feedback well takes practice, patience, and a sense of humor. Just remember: it’s not about perfection, but progress. And if all else fails, there’s always cake.